I am a "big girl" always have been, probably always WILL be. My Dad is over weight, my grandmother was over weight, I am sure I could start a list and keep going but really I don't want to. Those two people seem to be who I have followed after in the gene pool.
For the most part I have accepted this. I have heard all of the horrible comments behind my back and to my face since grade school. I have developed my coping mechanisms, but somewhere deep down it does still hurt.
It is not like I haven't TRIED. I have been on diets. I have lost weight. I have went off diets, and I have gain weight back. I always seem to fall somewhere in the range of 200-250. Not a good fluctuation I am sure.
my 2006 weight loss in pictures
I have gone to doctors and had them tell me to lose weight (really? gosh that was great advice Dr. McSkinny) but then they run all kinds of blood tests and the most they can find wrong is that I am anemic. No thyroid problems, no blood pressure, cholesterol is well within normal ranges and I am no where close to diabetic. What does that all mean? I am HEALTHY! Yes, I said it ... I am too healthy for the medical community to consider helping me lose weight. That means no pills, no lap-band, no gastric bypass surgery. The doctors have bigger fish to fry and I am low on the priority list.
Why am I bringing this up now? Well, because of the wedding. The wedding industry seems to assume that every bride either is or wants to be a stick on their wedding day. The sample sizes at Bridal Salons alone prove this point. Then every "wedding checklist" at some point mentions starting to "watch what you eat" (which is code for diet) or tells you to focus on "toning those problem areas" (which we all know is code for exercise).
It isn't just the mass media & fashion industry though ... friends and family join in as well. I know they mean well, but it just causes more stress when people are pointing it out. It really doesn't help though because their comments cause stress, and stress makes me eat. It is a vicious cycle.
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If Mr.B loves me the way I am, then why should I "have" to change? Why can't I feel comfortable on my wedding day at whatever weight that might be? Will I be any less beautiful? Will my marriage somehow last longer? Will I be any happier? No, I don't think so.
The thing is that I HAVE lost weight before, and mentally I know I can do it again. I also remember the things I didn't do while I was losing weight. I didn't go out and socialize with my friends. I didn't scrapbook (a hobby I LOVE). I also somehow spent less time with the kids. I wouldn't eat with them, because they were eating different foods that I was not allowing myself to eat and I didn't want to be tempted.
I was also working three jobs. Yes, you read that right THREE. I was a single mom, with 2 small kids and I was working three jobs to stay a float because my ex-husband wasn't helping support his kids. I was constantly on the go and never had free time to enjoy life. It was a different kind of stress. I wasn't really happy, I was just trying to be.
I don't want to go back to that point in my life. I am happier now. I am only working one full time job (with a small 2nd job working in the church nursery a few hours a week). I have Mr. B and we do go and do things, like the movies and playing at the park with the kids. We eat out with friends, and hang out. It is a totally different lifestyle.
I have a single friend that is sort of on the same weight loss journey. We are/used to be similar sizes. We have dieted together on and off for the past year or so. Her life is different though, and I am not sure she understands that. She can go to the gym and Zumba and do cardio for an hour. I don't really have that same option. I have the kids. Planning meals isn't as simple as easy for me as it is for her as well. She just has herself, I have 3 other people to plan for as well. Most of the time it ends up just being whatever is the fastest to make or grab on the way home.
I guess I am just conflicted, I am not sure what to do or which way to turn. What have you decided to do in regards to weight for the wedding.? Do you plan to keep it status quo or are you stepping it up to lose weight?
6 comments:
This is a super long post. forgive me i am going to admit i didn't read the entire thing but i did get to the point where you say the wedding world and checklists remind you to eat healthy. funny you mention cause people look at me funny when i say i'm ready for my 3rd piece of pizza and after that i want a bowl of ice cream. :) i have never been stick thin. or completely "in shape" but heck. i'm happy and i eat. often. and not always often what i "should" be eating but what the heck. so i feel as long as you are happy with yourself that is all that matters!!! :) :)
Great post, thanks for sharing. Happiness and healthyness comes in many forms. One day is just one day. Weight should be about a lifestyle.
I think you're self image is great. Of course it hurts if someone says anything mean about your weight. But you wouldn't be human if it didn't hurt.
Gastric bypass and lapband are very drastic measures, so you might be better off not doing them. But that's my fear talking.
I've lost 25 lbs over the past nearly 2 years. It's not big, but I'm hoping to keep it off. I used weight watchers - and am still on it. It changed the way I see food - I look at the food to see what I get out of the food. If it's chocolate, then I weight the pros (it's chocolate) versus the cons (unhealthy - high points). If it's healthy, there are less points, so it's an incentive to fill up on vegetables.
Cyd (http://thesweetestoccasion.blogspot.com/) has lost over 100 lbs over the past 2 or 3 years. She has posted some tips on how she lost weight - she talks about she approached it as a lifestyle change.
But you're right - having kids changes everything, including planning your day. Going to the gym like Cyd does is probably not an option for you, at least until the kids are a little older! So that's a challenge, I'm sure!
But I say this not because "you should lose weight b/c you're a bride". I say this to remind you there is support out there, when you have time to do it!
(You wouldn't believe how many people assume I am on a diet because I'm getting married. Um, I think I look fine, thank you very much.)
Whew - I wrote a book. Sorry to bombard you.
I just want to say i feel your pain. Finding a wedding gown was hell for that reason. I dont understand why sample sizes are soooooo small. I ended up buying a gown i never even got to put on, just had to hold it up to myself. Eh! I am a size 16 (though when i look in the mirror i dont see a 16, i see a pretty girl who looks a size 12 i would say) and although i continue to go to the gym as often as i can i am ok with the way i look for the most part. I have had one of my bridesmaids on numerous occasions say "are you going to try harder to lose weight before the wedding?" Which makes me want to slap her. But i look at it this way, I am greek and if you know anything about greeks we like to eat and we eat all the time. I am ok with the way i look and my fiance fell inlove with me the way i am.
I feel your pain and it was wonderfully comforting to see someone post about some of the same problems i was having.
I am not going to kill myself on a diet, so i go to the gym when i have time inbetween my 9 hour work day and 4 hours of class but i am not going to kill myself over it. I think you should do what makes you happy and what feels right to you.
<3 Good Luck!
Trying diets only work for so long. Get the word diet out of your head and replace it with lifestyle.
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